ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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