Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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