She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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