You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
