my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
