U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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