he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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