this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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