I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drunk walkin through police station. America
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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