if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
