If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
