shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
