No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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