Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
