If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
