My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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