I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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