You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize