wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
