So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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