"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
