I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
