my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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