i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
