Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Say something about gay babies.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
