i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
