Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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