Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
