Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
