gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
