You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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