The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
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Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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