you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
