it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
