No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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