It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
