i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
