youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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