Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
