So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
