im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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