She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
