I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
