You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
