remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
