Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
