as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
