Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
