I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize