Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
