I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
