omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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