i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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