Already got asked if we're dating
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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