I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
