Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
