Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
