I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
