Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
