I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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