I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
