How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
