i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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