I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
