We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
