I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
