I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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