hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
