She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He shit in the fireplace
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
